My 10 of things: Annoyances

Yeah. You might guess already. Today I’m feeling a bit annoyed by lots of things. I just thought I could share 10 of them with you.

 1. My blog

Yes, you read correctly. My blog. Or, better said, that I don’t have time for it, nor am I especially happy for it’s contents. It annoys me that I once had this feeling that I could actually be a blogger. Ha. It’s not actually the case, for I have no patience for it, or, yes, time. No, that wasn’t rightly put. It’s not patience I’m lacking, it’s preseverance. And time. Time is the key. Sigh. I love my kids, but sometimes, just sometimes I wish… that there would be 48 hours in a day.

 2. Me

Ha. Yeah, I’m many times annoyed by myself. The things I do, or don’t do. Or the things I want, or the things I don’t want. I’m tired of being wrong all the time. I’m tired of looking around the rules what I got to do, I should propably try not be someone else, but myself. That’s freaking hard sometimes, though.

 3. Others

Yeeah. This is going to be rather happy post, don’t you think? The thing I’m annoyed most about other people is their comments, they no doubt mean well with them, but still. ‘It’s allright’, ‘everything is going to be allright’, ‘you never know what will happen’, ‘just follow your heart’, ‘everything will change’… yeah. right. Everything will change as it has done before, right? I mean, c’mon. Seriously. Do you really think I’m gonna believe that crap?

 4. Nobody ever tweeting me back

This is really annoying. I mean, comeon. The whole point of Twitter is having a conversation, right? At least I feel it that way. Maybe I have misunderstood something, it wouldn’t be the first time. So, I have ended up having these conversations all by myself. I wonder, if the people in Twitter is that busy being ‘famous’ they don’t have time to reply. I mean, not talking about celebs, there’s not a chance in there anyways. But someone having plenty of followers and never tweeting back. Hm. Maybe it’s my comments, not them, then? I don’t know, but anyways. ANNOYING.

 5. Coming to work and noticing that I have to start the day with building up a computer

Yes. Annoying. I mean, there’s this ‘culture’ in my workplace that there isn’t enough supplies for us. Not enough of keyboards, mouses, and yes, even the computers, or it seems. Why on earth we end up ‘stealing’ them from each other otherwise? Everybody just goes ‘oh, look, a mouse. I’ll grab that one so I can get some work done’. And others are like ‘oh, i’m gonna work with my fingers, then’.

I mean, seriously. if I just could take a picture, I would show you I’m not exaggerating. The computer next to me has, umm. The screen. Yeah. Not even the ‘computer’-part of it. Welcome to work my fellow workmates, then.

My work sucks. Obviously.

 6. Not being listened

This would especially concern my dear husband, I think. He just can be such a jerk. Not showing a slightest interest of my thoughts and then babbling endlessly about his. Like I care. It works in both ways, hun. I’m pretty sure I didn’t start this, but I don’t know how to stop it either. Annoying. What I need is a better man. Or maybe I need to become a better person myself. Not really sure.

 7. The tv-shows are so bad, or at least the good ones come so late I’m not able staying awake

I’m terrible with tv. I wish I would have more time to just sit back and enjoy the view. But I don’t. The shows I regularily watch are meant for children and the reason I’m watching them is because E is watching them, too. And: they come in propriate time for me.

Bad tv-shows then? Why do they have to be all like some cooking, singing, building, weight loss -or anything competitions. Isn’t there any good stories to tell anymore? I’m not interested watching some fat guy burning some calories and then eating a chocolate bar and crying for it. Yeah, yeah, I’ve been there, done that myself. Ha. But hey, maybe this could be a good for me, though. No need to sit and just watch. I can do so much more with the time I would spend when watching tv.

The only show I’m watching nowadays is Stephen King’s ‘Under the Dome’. Brilliant.

 8. London is too far

It is. I can’t go there for an afternoon and just shop, can I? Oh, sure, if I was amazingly rich and had no obligations what so ever. But, this annoyance is becoming to an end soon enough. Yes, I’m getting my a** in there in February. So sweet. So sweet. Sweeter, even. Can’t wait.

I don’t know why I love that city so much. It somehow, it is… let me put it this way: we understand each other. Me and London.

 9. Gavin DeGraw doesn’t know I exist.

He doesn’t. Isn’t that truly annoying? Or the last birthday boy who made me blog last time. Or anyone I actually look up to. They’re so far away from us, those guys. From Finland, anyways. There’s not really a chance to bump into Gavin on the streets of this small town I live in, is there? Guess not. And, what’s even annoying, it doesn’t matter at all.

 10. The everyday life, realites of my life and the unableness to brake free

The everyday life. Oh. My. God. I can’t stand it! I can’t! Is there anything more, well, annoying than this? More frustrating. More boring. More brain-aching. Geez.

I just wrote a long letter to my husband and told him about my escapism, but he hasn’t yet told me what he thinks. Just like everybody does. They just leave me be. Cool. Anyways, the everyday life is something that really gets me. I need change, I need it so badly I can hardly breathe. And after the change I need another one. I mean, one day off makes me wish another day off and I don’t know when I would be happy just as I am.

Realites of my life. My obligations. They keep me chained to the everyday life. That’s what makes me annoyed by them.

Brake free? My god. If that only could be possible. I would fly as a feather in the wind. Nowadays I feel more like a extremely huge block of a stone.

I’m always the both ends of the line and if I need to try and stay in the middle, I freak.

But who says I can’t be both? The feather and the stone.

My annoyances for this day. What’s annoying you?

(What’s amusing me, is the hidden quotes in this blog post. Ha. Feeling better already. Thanks for reading, folks.)

A birthday letter to Ian Somerhalder

Dear Ian,

wishing you the very best birthday and may all your dreams come true. I know you have such important dreams, some of them even similar to mine.

I wanted to write to you, as a gift. Ha. Like it would be any gift to anybody but me. Anyways, just sharing some of my thoughts, imaginary with you. And you know. There’s always hope. A chance. That is the reason you’re doing your great job with the kids and the planet, right? You just can’t give up hope.

None of us can. That would lead us to a disaster.

I have been easily giving up my dreams, hopes, visions, you know, for all of my life. I like to think that I might have learned a thing or two from you. I’d like to thank you for them, for the sake of this great day, obviously.

First of all, you have taught me that I can do something. I mean, me. Seriously, me. I have felt like there’s no impact on the big picture anyways if I do or if I don’t. What’s the point? If I pick one trash from the ground, what would that matter? Would the planet be saved?

No, I think not. The trash is not important. Picking it up won’t make any difference, but in my mind. The point is, if everyone, I mean each and every one of us picked that one trash from the ground, that would mean something. And, if I don’t do it, who will? In this way, every small deed matters.

It’s hard to remember sometimes. I would so much like to see great things happen immediately. I have no patience what so ever. But as I have heard from someone pretty wise: you have to start local to get global.

Every stream begins with a drop, a tiny drop of water. A single drop. Every ocean is made of huge amounts of single drops.

Every small deed counts. That you have taught me.

You have encouraged me to do things. No just plan them in my head and then drop them off – for my dreams tend to be pretty huge. Ha. Seemingly impossible.

Thanks to you I have started blogging (ha, I almost wrote bogging), not with great success though, and lately I haven’t had any time for it either. But anyways. It’s something I used to look up to, dream about. Now doing it.

Thanks to you I have joined in a local nature conserving association called ‘the friends of nature’.

Thanks to you I have started donating money regularly to preserving the Baltic Sea. The only difficulty in starting to donate was that I couldn’t choose. There are so, so, so many things I would like to get my hands on. So many things that need to be better, decisions made better, more wisely. So many things that are just waiting that someone would do something.

But, I told myself, the most important thing I can do, is start doing.

Not get all tangled up when trying to discern what the most important thing is: the climate change, preserving oceans, rainforests, animal abuse, extinction of species…? They are all so important, but one can do only so much. I bet you get that feeling sometimes.

The most important thing I’m grateful to you must be that you have somehow waken me up. In many ways. Hard to tell exactly.

One thing made me think yesterday when I was youtubing you (ha! my hobby, kind of), was when you was talking about young ones, that we somehow wait them to grow up and after that they can get involved. That they can do awful lot already, when young. The thought somehow, you know, umm, woke me, again. I agree completely with you.

Our hope lies in the next generation, true. If we can teach them, show them that we care, show them to do things when they are young, they probably continue doing it when adults, perhaps even teaching it to their own kids.

I have this great appreciation to those who follow their hearts. Who can inspire others, who keep going no matter what. Who can be so damn hot and still admit that they love kitties, uhh! (That one was kind of out of the line, sorry, umm, but true though, hahah.) For those who take responsibility, who use their influence in good and be an example to many.

When I first fell for you, it was your looks. Or Damon’s, actually. Then I learned to know more about your thoughts, values, your life and your passion. That makes you really especial to me. To so many of us.

With these words and thoughts I would like to wish you all the best in your life. Keep going. Never give up hope. You know, I won’t.

With lots of love,

R

My 10 of things: The books

Right. There’s a new category of mine. My 10 of things. I will enlighten you guys with anything that’s been interesting me and giving you 10 best examples of it. Let’s start with neverending passion of mine. Books.

This should be easy. On the other hand – how am I going to pick just 10? I’ll try. These are not in any particular order. My favourites do change.

J.R.R. Tolkien: The Lord of the Rings

What can I say? Amazing story, huge and dark. And I love his words about how the story started to be something else as he planned in the beginning, how it changed something ‘dark and scary and not suitable for children or any others’ as himself put it (I’m terribly sorry, I can’t remember the exact words, but the thought was that). I love the darkness, the despair and the hope behind it. It is a great story about friendship, never giving up, and that everyone of us can have a huge impact on the world we all share. I just love it.
The first time I tried to read it I didn’t understand a word. I mean, I was totally overwhelmed with hobbits and all, I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. I kept reading just because one boy I liked had told me that he loved this book. And on the second time I read it, I kinda unerstood. Tolkien introduced me to the world of fantasy and my life has never been same again.

Jean M. Untinen-Auel: The Clan of the Cavebear

I first read this book when I was 6-years-old. I know, strange, right? My mom let me read it because she didn’t think I could ever read it through. But I did. I think this was one reason I started to love books.
The story is very compelling, I just can’t put the book down when I start to reading it. I have been reading it through once in a year as long as I can remember. I’ll bet I would give an answer just about any question from the book. It’s interesting because the life in the ice-age is so different from ours and still so much same. The ancient ways of doing things – they kept me interested.

Jane Austen: Emma

Ohh. I just love Jane Austen! She has so unfailing style. I love the silent humour in the book, the feeling about authenticity. I can imagine myself living in that old times. Why did I pick Emma, when Jane Austen has so many great books? Well, I think this was my first book of hers I read and even though I expected to find very dull and old book I found very living, fresh and entertaining one. The surprise made it even better.

And of course, we all love happy endings, don’t we?

Stephen King: The Shining

The most frightening book I have ever read. The only one I wasn’t brave enough to read after sunset. The only one I had to – yes – get off my hands after reading it halfway through. Second time I managed to go all the way. I *love* the book. I love Stephen King, too! He has this thing with words. He can make anything scary, even if it doesn’t seem to be anything but just an ordinary everydayish thing. And every word he writes makes the reader (meaning me) want to read even more. I wish I could have a chance to have a chat with him.

I have collected some of his sayings to my quote collection. See: ‘People ask me how do I write my books. One word at a time.‘ Or describing the feeling when writing is easy as ‘seeing through the paper’ (I agree, completely). Or saying that ‘writing is the greatest type of magic’ – he continues with saying that it works from time to another, it’s kind a telepathy: I’m imagining in my head a big, hairy elephant with a pink tie around his neck – and, oh, I think you saw it in your head, too!

Oh, yes, The Shining. Do read it, please, but take my advice, don’t read it alone!

Colleen McCullough: The Thorn Birds

Ok, well this is a bit different story from the previous one. I first saw the movies made from the book and though I’m afraid it’s never a right order of doing things I still loved the book. It’s a long family history and a love story. I love it. There’s a love between a catholic priest and a girl and their lifes just aren’t that easy. I like the way the author can describe the harshness of life and the people making difficult decisions and surviving with disasters. It’s a huge story, I like get swept away with it from time to time.

And yes, I cried.

Donna Tartt: The Secret History

This one was recommended to me by one of my teachers in the creative writing class. The teacher told me that it has something in it she wanted us as her students to learn. It was a long time only in my mind that maybe I should read it, but I never got the urge to do so. Then one day I found the book in a flea market and I just needed to buy it. I buy a lot of books – you should see my house. I definately need a library room of my own!

Anyways, the book. It was completely different from what I expected it to be, but it kept me deeply interested untill the end. It is a dark and mystical and rough story and it takes the reader to the world of university and belonging – untill it turns upside down. It’s something alike as in Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevsky. Our actions have consequences and how do we manage to live with that makes us who we are. I recommend this book, too.

Väinö Linna: The Unknown Soldier

Finally something Finnish stuff. I apologize, I don’t read Finnish literature as much as I should, at all. This one is written in 1954 and it’s about the Continuation War. The view of the story is from the soldiers view, their experiences and thoughts. Allthough I don’t enjoy reading war related books, this one is so good, it was nearly impossible to let go of the book. I know, I have said that couple of times already, but this one, it’s… I don’t know. It could be that it is based on the real thing, this did actually happen, the war is cruel and no-one should ever have to face it. That’s my opinion. When reading this, you can easily imagine you’re there in the frontline yourself.

And, yes, I did cry. There’s no happy endings in war. The book sure is worth of reading.

Ken Follett: The Pillars of the Earth

What a huge, heavy brick is this one! (No pic of it, though, sorry, it is not found in my bookshelf, what a pity.) It’s about the middle ages and the writing style is very realistic and even rough, there’s no needless preciosity in it. There are lots and lots of characters and the reader is about to know almost everything about everyone. That, I think, is a talent! I mean, I never got even a slightest bored when reading it through. I can’t remember the exact amount of the pages, but there are over one thousand of them. (At least in the edition I read.)

This was recommended to me by a close friend of mine and I trusted her word and borrowed the book from a library. I didn’t regret believing her.

Thomas Mann: Doctor Faustus

Yes, this is one of my favourites. I got interested of the idea of the book when so many others seem to refer to it somehow. I have heard or read plenty of times something about Dr. Faustus and making a deal with the devil, and so I decided to have a closer look about it so I could know exactly what they were talking about. At first it felt almost impossible to read. I have been told that I write too long sentences in my stories, but oh, my teacher should have tried Mr. Mann’s texts! One sentence could reach from the top of the page till the very end of it.

One. Sentence.

You just can’t read this book through with just one eye, you will need your whole attention – and brain, too. When I finally got used to the writing style, I got highly amused by it. And now I can proudly say that I really have read it through. Someone said to me once that (or maybe I read it from somewhere – sorry about my exact references..) when you read a book with time, not devour it in one day, you somehow grow with the book. It was nicely said and with this book I totally agree with it. You have more time getting to know the characters, the story, you can ponder upon in in your own head, and I feel it can be a deeper experience. I usually do read very fast and too many pages at a time, but this one, I think, I read it like a month. After I put the book aside, I felt a bit lost for some time, when I had no book to go to. I mean, I had, of course, I read all the time, but not that book anymore, the familiar one. If you have patience, take a look of this, too.

..

That’s nine. Hmph.

This was harder than I thought. I can’t seem to pick just one more. There are so many of them! How could I choose? If I go on, I won’t stop, well, like ever. Gosh. I thought I could have chosen Torgrim Eggen’s (oh, there’s no English version, I couldn’t find anyways, so let’s put it in the original language, Norwegian) ‘Pynt’, a very compelling story, chilling and so strange and amusing in the same time. Or then I could have chosen Virpi Hämeen-Anttila’s ‘Alastonkuvia’, (meaning something as ‘nude paintings’) that softly charms you and never lets go, the delicate feelings and the beautifully chosen words paint the images you just can’t look away from. (That’s Finnish, btw.) Or something by Torey Hayden, John Grisham, Terry Brooks… Oh, yes, or Agatha Christie!

See? I just can’t pick one. This category should be put ‘my 10-or-any-number-I-feel-most-apt-at-the-time-I’m-writing-my-blog of things’. Let’s see if I can hit the 10 with the next one. Wish me luck!

And happy reading!

Flying with time

Oh, man, time does fly.

I mean, I just logged in here and there it was. WordPress was wishing me happy anniversary. ‘Thank you for flying with us’ it said. I could say it another way around: Thank you for making me. Fly, I mean. That is something I really dream about. Flying.

Not in real, though. I’m talking about flying on a imaginary level. In my head. With new thoughts, new words, new experiences. With new feelings. I dream about the feeling that I’m taking off, flying high above the clouds. Actually doing something, achieving my dream, following my heart, making progress, getting somewhere. That’s what I’m calling flying.

This year – my god, how fast it has passed by! – has been… umm. Just a regular year, common, with no great surprises, but I have also flied a bit. Started a blog, I have (and now I’m typing like Yoda, gosh). Blogging was a thing for me, one part from the ‘doing something’-section.

Writing has always been a way of clearing my thoughts to me, making thoughts more real. I have written these texts just sitting down with my computer and having this feeling about the thing I would like to write about. I don’t usually plan very hard what I’m going to put in to words – and I guess it shows… But then again, this is me. This is how I do things. And if I would like to follow my heart, I shouldn’t listen anyone’s advices how to get there, right? As shouldn’t you either.

Well, what has this year teached to me? Let’s see. I have learned that

• I’m not very good at planning web pages. I don’t have time (or brain) enough  to make my blog as beautiful I would like it to be.
• The hardest part in writing is actually doing the job (keep on typing when something else in mind).
• Following a dream can be really hard and annoying, but it can lift you up when you just don’t give up.
• Having two kids is much easier than I feared and much harder than I hoped.
• Some people actually do like my scribblings (in my writing class at least – or they told me so anyways).
• Twittering is fun and addictive.
• I don’t know how to live without my smart phone anymore.
• The thing who I am is changeable, shifting anew with every people I meet, a word I say, a thought I think. And I’m about to get to know myself.

I think that the greatest goal in our lives could be just that. Getting to know ourselves. The real ones, behind all the scenes we create to fool others. And after that, being who we are. And then – flying together.

Something I miss

I just read my old diary and I started to feel a bit nostalgic. The fun thing about diaries is that I can live some moments all over again, I can actually bring the feelings back to life. On the other hand I’m not  so sure if that’s a good thing. To remember something that has slipped off my mind already. Sometimes I feel like I’m reading about someone else. Did that really happen to me?

This time reading it through made me miss those moments, those people I loved.  Time gives me more neutral perspective about those things and still I found myself a bit upset. Gosh, I started to love him again!

Then when staring myself from a mirror I started to think again. I know that we wouldn’t have anything realistic, I mean that despite of all infatuation and attraction between us (and, oh, we really had some) we were very different from each other. I guess the thing I miss today is the attention and consideration he gave me. His gaze. He made me feel myself much better person than without him. Yeah, I know, I always thought that phrase was just another cliche. But I have felt it.

I miss the sparkle. The butterflies. The amazement of his looks. And the way he gazed me. I miss the love. The feeling of something bigger.

Sigh.

I shouldn’t read my diaries, right?

True or false: Bigger the risk, better the prize

Okay, this thought appeared to me when trying to sleep one night. It seems that I have these ‘wise’ thoughts many times when almost in sleep. It had something to do with one of my stuff that I’m writing at the moment. One character just popped into my mind and said: “Bigger the risk, better the prize.” It was about taking chances, grabbing the moment but in the same time losing something very valuable and important. It was almost impossible for me to go to sleep when I started to ponder this in my head. Is it true? Would I take the chance? What do I consider to be most important and how would it feel to lose it all in order to follow a dream? Would I? Would you?

Suddenly I was thinking about casinos and gambling, seeing myself playing cards with friends (I suck in it, btw) and in my sleepy head I was pretty sure I had hit the spot with the statement above. When thinking it all over again, I thought it might not be the case. You can be fooled, you know. The risk can be enormous while the prize isn’t that good. People lie. Or then it is just that hard to tell when to stop gambling.

In one cartoon there was this rooster who found the end of the rainbow and instead of a pot of gold there was this game of luck. First he won a dirty sock, or actually he got it free. After that he was asked if he wanted to change the sock to the thing that was hiding behind the nearby curtain. Well, without a doubt he wanted to make the change. So they revealed what was behind the curtain: a really fancy car. The rooster was happily surprised. Again he was asked: ‘Surely, you don’t want to keep that, for you could just take a look what is behind the next curtain.’ Well, the exact words weren’t these, but the thought was. And again, the rooster wanted to take the risk. He won again! He got it all: fame, money, luck, friends, girls… just about everything anyone could even imagine. And again he was asked: ‘You can keep that, but you could change all this to the thing that is behind the next curtain.’

A sensible person would have said: ‘I think I’ll just keep all this stuff, thank you’. Right? At this point the risk of losing everything became huge. But the rooster was stunned by his luck and he believed there could be even better things waiting for him. So he wanted change it all! The curtain was lifted and the thing he actually won after all was – yes – the dirty sock.

I think there is a wise thought behind the story. It’s hard to tell when to stop. It could be easy for everybody else, but the person that is in the situation, who is making the decision, it could be really hard. Luck can make us blind. At least I recognize myself in this when playing poker with friends. I never know when to stop. Gosh.

Anyways, the risk that the rooster encountered was huge, the prize wasn’t. I mean, even the risk is big, the prize may not be. The risk is all about the losing part. If you have a lot, you can lose a lot. When you have nothing to lose, could there be any risk at all? No, I don’t think so. Then there is just an opporturnity, a possibility.

I’m not sure if I can actually explain this as I would like. It feels like the thing I would like to say is slipping away, even further with every word I write. I don’t mean I wouldn’t appericiate the possibility part, I am, but we were talking about risks, right? I have never been any good in taking them. I have a dream that one day I would do some decisions, even hard ones, for a higher purpose, something I feel that is right for me, right for the voice of my heart, kind of. Even if it did mean I would lose everything I have already. Standing behind your own truth, that is something that I highly respect. I admire those kind of people who do that.

Hmph. Straying. Sorry.

So, I think the statement is wrongly put. It is not true, not in that way. It could be said: ‘Better the prize, bigger the risk’. I mean, there is no such thing as a free dinner. Nothing in this world is free. Someone has to pay. If you want the big prize, you need to be ready to take huge risks. And if you are lucky enough, you will succeed.

That is what following a dream actually is about, isn’t it?

Being in the dark

The darkness is approaching. There will be a bit darker at 23th March, at least I do hope so. It’s the Earth Hour time again!

The idea in the Earth Hour is quite simple: on that date, where ever you are, just turn out the lights at 20:30 for one hour, to save the planet.

I think that it is a good thing to do, a good way of making a statement, showing to others that you care. But on the other hand being one hour without electric lights is not going to save the planet, no matter how much we would like that happen. It is more about the choises we make every day, the little things that don’t seem to be that important, but when accumulated the importance becomes visible.

You need to start local to become global, said Ian Somerhalder. There is a  wise thought behind these words. You can’t save the planet right away, at once. For everyone of us is just one person and one person can only do so much. The start needs to be local, always. You can’t take over the world and become a world emperor just like that. You need to convince one person at first. Only one. And then another one. It’s the same thing here; you have to start caring about your immediate environment, your neighbourhood, your backyard, your street, your choises at first. Turn out your lights at first. Then convince someone else do it as well. And you know, if we all do just that, amazing things could happen. No, more likely will happen.

It isn’t that easy, though. I have been thinkin myself, too, that there is nothing I can do. Or that nothing that I can do has any meaning at all for the great picture. I have this tendency in me to expect everything happen instantly or not at all. Many things don’t work that way. I need more patiency with my great dreams, I know. And even now I’m thinking that yeah, it would be great to participate, but really, come on, what difference would that make? I don’t ever keep the lights on for no reason anyhow, so why should I pretend to be better/different now?

It’s like being in the church in the Christmas. I mean, if you’re not going to the church on the other days, why would you do it in Christmas? Pretend to be a good christian for a tradition? One of my friends was rather passionate about the subject, she argued with me on the subject a lot. She was certain that people should not do that. I was more on the opinion that it is good to go to the church what ever the reason anyways.

Is this any different? I know I should do it and I do think that it is a great, global thing and I do appriciate those who invented it. I do always think that I should do something, something more than just not buying plastic bags every time I shop in the grocery store (it is a very rare occation if I buy one) or going to work by bus (I never use my own car for that) or anything that is so everydayish to me (and that I feel has no meaning on the subject)… So why not this? Well, this year I have my reason. Pretty damn good reason. I just had a baby, my youngest is only 3-weeks-old, and if I need to take care of her on that time, I’m rather convinced I’m gonna need some electricity! I love candles, but it wouldn’t be a good idea this time. It just wouldn’t.

So maybe I could do it on some other day? When she is fast asleep? It’s a good idea, but if I don’t do it when others do, it’s more likely not to do it at all. Maybe that is the thought behind this? That if the others turn out their lights, maybe someone else will, too. We have a great impact on each other, we just don’t realize it in our everyday lifes. It is said that don’t do as I say, do as I do. Meaning that everyone can be the example, carry on believing, hoping and changing lifes. We don’t have to be extra-famous for being able to do that. Being just you and just me is enough.

Let’s do the difference, shall we?

People – inherently good or bad?

I have been doing some soulsearching lately. Been thinking about people on the universal level, and the ones I know, as well, naturally. I have been wondering if they can be trusted or not and how could I discern who is trustworthy and who is not. Let me share my thoughts with you.

There are different views about the subject, as far as I can see. There are those who think that in everyone of us there is deep down something good (maybe someone has it deeper inside of them than others), and those who think that there is something bad in all of us (a kind of a original sin as in the Bible). I, myself, feel that this subject can’t be that simple. I believe that both of these are true. I believe there is something good in me and similarly something bad as well. It’s the balance between them that counts, really.

If we all are good by nature, why there is so much cruelty, suffering and anguish in this world? Why are we so unconcerned and indifferent about the others? Why aren’t we all doing the good things we are able to? Or is it only that we haven’t developed ourselves as human beings as far as we should have? That we should learn it here and now?

And if we all are bad deep inside (as it might seem when looking out of the window or reading the news), why haven’t we just killed ourselves into extinction? Why there are some people who are trying to help, giving everything they have to help others, willing to work very hard to accomplish something better? Why do they care? Have they just restrained their real nature and are they just keeping the fight against themselves?

Well, as I said already, I really don’t think that any of these options could be true by themselves. I believe that both of these are true, in everyone of us. It is not that easy to keep being nice and loving and caring, there has been times that I have been really mean to others, just to compensate my own hurt, taking pleasure from the revenge. But similarly, there has been times that I have just turned the other cheek and forgiven everything.

One of my studying material about the subject in addition to my own experiences and my own life has been, haha, well, you might guess actually: The Vampire Diaries. I have written something about it before, so only some short thoughts. The Salvatore brothers aren’t merely good or bad, and that is what makes them so interesting. There can be seen hints of good in Damon’s actions, or at least he is doing things he believes are right (for him). (Another thought: I think it was David Eddings who made me think about the bad guys in a different light when he wrote about some bad guy – sorry, I really can’t remember more specifically – and his childhood and stuff. He made me write about my villain as well, from the another perspective, and it has been really intriguing and enlightening!)

And in the same way there is something very bad in Stefan, too, though he has been doing his best to hide it and keep it calm in him. In a way these stories about vampires could be stories about ourselves, they could be allegories about human life, about the things that could be difficult to handle otherwise. Maybe the hidden truth in them is the thing that makes them so popular?

Ok, so I have come into a conclusion that there is good and bad in everyone of us. But the other question still remains. How to tell apart who can be trusted and who can’t? When should I believe what the other is telling me (for example when saying ‘I’ll call you later’ or ‘Yeah, sure, we should have a conversation sometime’ or ‘Of course I want to be in touch’ or anything alike) and when it is put into a category of ‘small talk’ or ‘just being nice’? Is it really nice to say things you don’t mean at all?

I don’t have any answer for this one. It is really annoying and frustrating when people act like that! It is frustrating even if you know very well in the situation that the person is never going to do as (s)he says anyways, but it doesn’t hurt that much as when you really believe in someone. Maybe some of us are just that good actors?

What do you think?

Postscript

The funny thing about all this was that when I opened my blog to start writing about the subject I have, there was this Cristian Mihai’s blog text starting with almost the same words I was planning to use. He is a talented writer whose texts I have enjoyed a lot. He’s talking about bit the same and something more as well: taking risks in your life about the thing you love the most. Takealook.

Travelling with Damedo

I made a bus trip one day. Well, that’s not that extraordinary to me, I’m rather doing that like every day. The thing that made the journey different was that I was trying to see things more through my smart phone’s camera. It gave me some new perspectives and something new to think about. The journey I made was done from town of Outokumpu to city of Kuopio, it’s about 100 km between them. I was travelling to see my mom and the last pictures are from her home. I thought that I should share some of the views I travel through every day, maybe that could make me feel that it isn’t that everydayish to me either. Really see, where you are going, of through what. A Finnish poet Maaria Leinonen has said it somehow like this: Taking a journey with a friend is as important than getting there, unless more important. (Sorry about my translation, it is beautifully said in Finnish anyways.)

So. Here we go. I think I’m going to cut the babbling-part this time and let the pictures tell the story instead. Travel with me, will you?

Oh, and then the next day we went shopping to the pretty new shopping center in Kuopio, Matkus. See?

So, this was my trip this time. Some moments, some passing views. It is interesting to take pictures from a moving vehicle and for my surprise some of these did actually look just fine to me. So, now you have seen same things as I, ordinary Finnish countryside. Welcome to my everyday!

Men just don’t get it

This time I have come across to a thought I basically have known in the gut level forever, but never really thought it through. A friend of mine said it to me: men just don’t get it. Now, let me explain. They do get a lot of stuff, I’m sure, but the thing we were discussing about was understanding the real meaning between the lines. Picking up the clues. Getting the hints. There’s just no chance that a man would actually do that. If they do, they are misunderstanding or picking up the wrong clues. Agree?

I’m having this dream in my head that I might have told you before: that there would be a man who would know what I am thinking without saying a word (Edward Cullen was good at that). Yes, yes, I know, that is impossible, so I have moderated my dream as follows: if the man would understand me between the lines, with so few clues as possible. (Don’t ask why, I don’t know. Maybe it’s about the feeling being understood and being loved and cared for.) I was pretty amused when a Finnish astrologer, Seppo Tanhua, told me that with my planets (can’t remember which one he spoke of, perhaps Venus) I’m presumably waiting the man of my life to understand me between the lines. For example (that he used) if the windowsill has fallen for some reason to the floor and all the flowers are just a huge mess on it, too, I’m about to say: ‘Hey, the windowsill just fell off.’ Meaning: ‘Could you please fix the windowsill?’ I laughed, really, for that I would do. It’s nothing new to me, it’s just the thing, that would be the most natural thing for me to say and to expect the man to fix the sill. I don’t know if that’s common in us women and do men get it.

Anyways,  I have tried that thing with my husband, and the results have been, umm, discomforting. I have been frustrated over and over again for not being understood correctly. The thing this friend of mine said it has kinda opened my eyes. The men just don’t get it. It’s not just him or not just me not being able to understand each other. It’s just that men need to be told directly and without any ambiguity what we are trying to say. I have heard that many times before, but now I somehow, I don’t know, saw the meaning of it. I just get the feeling that if I need to explain it straight through, the other must be a bit dumb, or that he feels that I’m considering him to be one. That may not be the case, it’s just us being that different.

I have always thought that I’m pretty tolerant and understandable person. That I can take differency well and cope with it. It seems that I may not be all that tolerant as I have thought. How did I end up in here? Gosh.

I have these experiences with some persons that I have been understood between the lines, or just with saying a half a word they just got it. That is fun! I enjoy it tremendously! Really. I had this friend once who was my best friend ever, and with her we played this board game called Alias where we tried to explain certain words without using any revealing hints, and I remember her telling me that the word she meant wasn’t ‘a plastic bag’ and I instantly responded ‘a paper bag’ – ahh, this is not a good example in English, for in Finnish these words are completely different from each other, no similar ‘bags’ in the end. Anyways, I got it right and we laughed in amaze. And the other example of mine is my dearest bro, J, who can always get me between the lines. He is a man, though, but he is my brother, so he doesn’t actually count in men in this. I enjoy having conversations with him, for we always seem to understand each other – at least I’m getting that feeling. We are filling in the others sentences and throwing them back and forth with other meanings with the words (I just love playing with words, if I haven’t told you before). That is fun. Totally!

But back to the point. The men just don’t get it. It’s not just them being that incompetent, but it could have something to do with the different trail of thought. If it’s not said out loud, it doesn’t exist to them. In a way, that could be a whole lot easier way of life. To be able just see the reality and not constantly pondering on why someone said what they did or what did these words mean or could they have a secret meaning in them or that this can’t be this simple, there must be something in it… They don’t get it, but when thinking this through I’m beginning to be a bit envious to them.

Now, the next step in my quest of a better life, could be to learn how to say that the ball is red if it is.