A birthday letter to Gavin DeGraw

Happy birthday, mr DeGraw!

I would sing it, but you wouldn’t hear it anyways, so I think I keep it just written.

It seems I’m specializing myself in writing birthday letters. Ha. Once I had the idea, I couldn’t help myself.

So, all I wanted to do was write you a piece of my thoughts as a gift to you. Enjoy.

The fame

I guess we all like to hear that we are loved. Well, you certainly are. Loved, I mean. I’ve been thinking all the fame things like couple of years already, and I think it’s still not the same. I mean, celebs can feel themselves lonely, too, I guess, regardless of the love they’re recieving constantly from their fans. But yeah, the fans don’t know the real person, they just love the image they have built up in their heads.

When imagining that I would be a celeb, I get the feeling that I would be slightly (or more) pissed about the fans. I mean, oh, come on. They keep screaming that they love me, and they want to be my best friends and they want all kinds of things from me that I cannot give to them. They must be out of their minds, or a bit, umm, stupid to ever have that kind of hope. And stupidity is something I can’t take very well, I have absolutely no patience for that. And all the fans know about me is – yeah. Zip. Zero. Nothing. Not a thing. In real. They think they do know a lot. They feel connected in thoughts. They feel in love, they have appericiation for my thoughts they don’t know, for my reasons, they don’t have a clue of. Sheesh.

Ha. People should be very happy that I’m not a celeb. I wouldn’t be very good one, would I?

It’s a huge responsibility, though, being a famous one. It’s hard for me to comprehend that the actions I make (when still imagining I’m VIP) can have a tremendous effect on other peoples lives. Do you ever get worried about that? I know, I would. And still, it would give a reason to try harder, I mean, it could give a feeling that the things I do have some kind of a meaning, that I actually could have an impact on the world around. That I could do something.

Yeah, yeah. I can now, too. Do something. But it’s not the same, ya know? Me picking up one trash from the ground and the world is saved, right? It’s just me picking up one trash from the ground. It wouldn’t start a new movement, would it? Ha. Now you might be wondering why on earth I would like to start a new movement about me picking up a trash from the ground. Well, I am, at least.

Gosh. It’s not the point. I guess I lost it somewhere.

Let’s get back to start. Let me start all over again, okay? So, here we go.

I wish you have an extremely amazing b-day. I hope you’ll do something extra fun today.

Yeah, it’s coming back to me now. The thing I wanted to get into when I started with being loved was that I was going to tell you some reasons for my, mmhh, thing for you. And what have you done to me.

So, reasons why I love Gavin DeGraw, coming up.

Your voice. Your words. Yeah. I guess that’s it. Well, it was quickly said. Ha! But you know. It’s not that simple. Let me explain. Actually I have already in some earlier post, see?

Your voice makes me tingling inside. It makes me want more, all the time more. It’s so amazing I can’t breathe. I mean, comeon. How can one man have this, umm, ability to lift me higher than the clouds and in the next moment drag me down into steamy, dark and dangerous waters? Being both at the same time. Yeah, it just hit me. I just wrote to this blog that I’m always the both ends of the line. That could be the reason to my infatuation with you(r voice).

In my last birthday letter I brought up some things this person made me to do. I think I should try to find something similar from you. You have made me open my ears, kind of. You have shown me that there is something more in this world. Well, actually, the other guy has made me do a lot more, but you know what? You made me to make a decision to travel to London, the city I so much miss. And for that only I would be extra thankful.

You have broaden my horizons, my thoughts, somehow. It’s damn hard to explain, when I’m not even sure what I’m explaining.  Your words, ahh, I love your words. And your voice, did I mention that already? I have always loved words, and I have this thing for the rightly timed and rightly chosen words, I just can’t resist them. And you seem to have this talent, for me, anyways. Saying things in a new way, the same things perhaps that everybody else is making songs about, too, but without falling into same cliches. A freshness, cleverness, delicacy. Yeah, delicacy without being sobby or wussy at all. I mean, you being such a man, uh, can’t explain. A real one, as I feel, and you keep saying things with such an amazing accuracy and delicacy. And sometimes you leave me guessing the real thought behind the words. I love that, too. I have cried more than once when listening your songs. They somehow, they resonate with my thoughts.

Do I make any sense? Usually I don’t. Ha.

Love & happiness

So. I’m sending lots and lots of love and happiness to you today! I wish you will have an amazing day. Just keep going, because you know, you keep so many of us going, too. You keep me. Someone once tweeted that if you ever feel down or blue, just listen to Gavin DeGraw. And I agree completely. You always work! (as I have documented before in my last years Halloween party, see?)

I’m lingering with these words. Terrified to just let go. But you know, sometimes all you can do is jump.

See you in London. Can’t wait.

-R

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