This time I have come across to a thought I basically have known in the gut level forever, but never really thought it through. A friend of mine said it to me: men just don’t get it. Now, let me explain. They do get a lot of stuff, I’m sure, but the thing we were discussing about was understanding the real meaning between the lines. Picking up the clues. Getting the hints. There’s just no chance that a man would actually do that. If they do, they are misunderstanding or picking up the wrong clues. Agree?
I’m having this dream in my head that I might have told you before: that there would be a man who would know what I am thinking without saying a word (Edward Cullen was good at that). Yes, yes, I know, that is impossible, so I have moderated my dream as follows: if the man would understand me between the lines, with so few clues as possible. (Don’t ask why, I don’t know. Maybe it’s about the feeling being understood and being loved and cared for.) I was pretty amused when a Finnish astrologer, Seppo Tanhua, told me that with my planets (can’t remember which one he spoke of, perhaps Venus) I’m presumably waiting the man of my life to understand me between the lines. For example (that he used) if the windowsill has fallen for some reason to the floor and all the flowers are just a huge mess on it, too, I’m about to say: ‘Hey, the windowsill just fell off.’ Meaning: ‘Could you please fix the windowsill?’ I laughed, really, for that I would do. It’s nothing new to me, it’s just the thing, that would be the most natural thing for me to say and to expect the man to fix the sill. I don’t know if that’s common in us women and do men get it.
Anyways, I have tried that thing with my husband, and the results have been, umm, discomforting. I have been frustrated over and over again for not being understood correctly. The thing this friend of mine said it has kinda opened my eyes. The men just don’t get it. It’s not just him or not just me not being able to understand each other. It’s just that men need to be told directly and without any ambiguity what we are trying to say. I have heard that many times before, but now I somehow, I don’t know, saw the meaning of it. I just get the feeling that if I need to explain it straight through, the other must be a bit dumb, or that he feels that I’m considering him to be one. That may not be the case, it’s just us being that different.
I have always thought that I’m pretty tolerant and understandable person. That I can take differency well and cope with it. It seems that I may not be all that tolerant as I have thought. How did I end up in here? Gosh.
I have these experiences with some persons that I have been understood between the lines, or just with saying a half a word they just got it. That is fun! I enjoy it tremendously! Really. I had this friend once who was my best friend ever, and with her we played this board game called Alias where we tried to explain certain words without using any revealing hints, and I remember her telling me that the word she meant wasn’t ‘a plastic bag’ and I instantly responded ‘a paper bag’ – ahh, this is not a good example in English, for in Finnish these words are completely different from each other, no similar ‘bags’ in the end. Anyways, I got it right and we laughed in amaze. And the other example of mine is my dearest bro, J, who can always get me between the lines. He is a man, though, but he is my brother, so he doesn’t actually count in men in this. I enjoy having conversations with him, for we always seem to understand each other – at least I’m getting that feeling. We are filling in the others sentences and throwing them back and forth with other meanings with the words (I just love playing with words, if I haven’t told you before). That is fun. Totally!
But back to the point. The men just don’t get it. It’s not just them being that incompetent, but it could have something to do with the different trail of thought. If it’s not said out loud, it doesn’t exist to them. In a way, that could be a whole lot easier way of life. To be able just see the reality and not constantly pondering on why someone said what they did or what did these words mean or could they have a secret meaning in them or that this can’t be this simple, there must be something in it… They don’t get it, but when thinking this through I’m beginning to be a bit envious to them.
Now, the next step in my quest of a better life, could be to learn how to say that the ball is red if it is.