Men just don’t get it

This time I have come across to a thought I basically have known in the gut level forever, but never really thought it through. A friend of mine said it to me: men just don’t get it. Now, let me explain. They do get a lot of stuff, I’m sure, but the thing we were discussing about was understanding the real meaning between the lines. Picking up the clues. Getting the hints. There’s just no chance that a man would actually do that. If they do, they are misunderstanding or picking up the wrong clues. Agree?

I’m having this dream in my head that I might have told you before: that there would be a man who would know what I am thinking without saying a word (Edward Cullen was good at that). Yes, yes, I know, that is impossible, so I have moderated my dream as follows: if the man would understand me between the lines, with so few clues as possible. (Don’t ask why, I don’t know. Maybe it’s about the feeling being understood and being loved and cared for.) I was pretty amused when a Finnish astrologer, Seppo Tanhua, told me that with my planets (can’t remember which one he spoke of, perhaps Venus) I’m presumably waiting the man of my life to understand me between the lines. For example (that he used) if the windowsill has fallen for some reason to the floor and all the flowers are just a huge mess on it, too, I’m about to say: ‘Hey, the windowsill just fell off.’ Meaning: ‘Could you please fix the windowsill?’ I laughed, really, for that I would do. It’s nothing new to me, it’s just the thing, that would be the most natural thing for me to say and to expect the man to fix the sill. I don’t know if that’s common in us women and do men get it.

Anyways,  I have tried that thing with my husband, and the results have been, umm, discomforting. I have been frustrated over and over again for not being understood correctly. The thing this friend of mine said it has kinda opened my eyes. The men just don’t get it. It’s not just him or not just me not being able to understand each other. It’s just that men need to be told directly and without any ambiguity what we are trying to say. I have heard that many times before, but now I somehow, I don’t know, saw the meaning of it. I just get the feeling that if I need to explain it straight through, the other must be a bit dumb, or that he feels that I’m considering him to be one. That may not be the case, it’s just us being that different.

I have always thought that I’m pretty tolerant and understandable person. That I can take differency well and cope with it. It seems that I may not be all that tolerant as I have thought. How did I end up in here? Gosh.

I have these experiences with some persons that I have been understood between the lines, or just with saying a half a word they just got it. That is fun! I enjoy it tremendously! Really. I had this friend once who was my best friend ever, and with her we played this board game called Alias where we tried to explain certain words without using any revealing hints, and I remember her telling me that the word she meant wasn’t ‘a plastic bag’ and I instantly responded ‘a paper bag’ – ahh, this is not a good example in English, for in Finnish these words are completely different from each other, no similar ‘bags’ in the end. Anyways, I got it right and we laughed in amaze. And the other example of mine is my dearest bro, J, who can always get me between the lines. He is a man, though, but he is my brother, so he doesn’t actually count in men in this. I enjoy having conversations with him, for we always seem to understand each other – at least I’m getting that feeling. We are filling in the others sentences and throwing them back and forth with other meanings with the words (I just love playing with words, if I haven’t told you before). That is fun. Totally!

But back to the point. The men just don’t get it. It’s not just them being that incompetent, but it could have something to do with the different trail of thought. If it’s not said out loud, it doesn’t exist to them. In a way, that could be a whole lot easier way of life. To be able just see the reality and not constantly pondering on why someone said what they did or what did these words mean or could they have a secret meaning in them or that this can’t be this simple, there must be something in it… They don’t get it, but when thinking this through I’m beginning to be a bit envious to them.

Now, the next step in my quest of a better life, could be to learn how to say that the ball is red if it is.


7 thoughts on “Men just don’t get it

  1. The explanation I have heard is that men evolved as hunters, and so developed a direct, literal language. Women evolved as nurturers, and their role as mothers also meant that they had to make peace between others sometimes. So women are more considerate about not offending people in the language they use. (Of course they can be cruel and bitchy sometimes, but I’m talking about the language they’ve developed over thousands of years.) So a woman might simply point out that the windowsill has fallen off (does that often happen in your place by the way? Poor you!) rather than just ask a man to fix it, to take the sting out of her request. In the same way, if a woman is being chatted up by a guy she’s not interested in, she will usually try to let him down gently rather than just telling him to piss off. With the result that sometimes he doesn’t get the message.
    I read somewhere that women’s brains contain more connections (I’m sure that’s not the scientific term!) between the left and right halves than men’s do, and that this makes women better at reading body language and tones of voice. So maybe they expect men to be able to read the bodily signals a person sends out just as easily as they do. I remember one morning, years ago, I was lying in bed with my ex and she suddenly asked me “Why are you nervous?” I was shocked; I was nervous about something, but I hadn’t told her and I’d assumed she didn’t know. I mean, we were in bed and we’d just woken up! She could read me like a book, as they say. I wish I could do the same …

  2. Your explanation makes sense to me, and I have read the same thing from somewhere as well. Actually we discussed about the same thing with my friend; that men need to feel needed and they feel that when they can be that primitive caveman protecting their family or loved ones. If the woman is too independent they can feel unimportant and frustrated. That made sense to me, though I’m not a man 😉
    It’s easier to pretend that we are the same and be pissed if not being understood, and still I believe that we should try to accept and understand the differency and enjoy it, for it wouldn’t be that nice if we all were the same. It should be quite boring.
    The thing I’m trying to say, could be that I don’t think one of these abilities would be any better from each other. If there could be a way to make use of these both at the same time, that could be the optimal situation, right? Maybe we all should move back to caves and let the men do the hunting? 😉
    Oh, and no, the windowsills don’t usually fall off in my place – luckily enough 😉

  3. Lol – a woman would be a long time waiting for a meal if I was doing the hunting:D Though I *have* caught a few fish in my time.
    There is one cause for optimism: men might not be naturally good at “getting it”, but we can improve a little over time, if we make the effort. I can “read” women much better now than I could at 17, though then again that’s not saying much. My powers of observation and sensing the other’s vibe still do not match those of women I know, but they have got better.

  4. Hmm, maybe we could call it ‘hunting’ when a man does the grocery shopping? We all live in a modern society so maybe we should update the meanings of the words a bit. (Doing the shopping can be a real challenge, as well, at least when done together – a man and a woman. At least I’m much more happier when doing it all alone nowadays.) 😉
    Btw, why is it always men who should improve themselves? I think that a relationship takes two and women as well could try to improve the way they are talking when talking to men. Could the solution be that women shouldn’t expect that much from men and start doing something themselves, as well? And enjoy the ‘behind the lines’-thing with those who can do it. I don’t want to my man be feminine, so why push my luck?

  5. I am not so sure they don’t get it, maybe they just don’t want to hear it. I think a lot of women “play dumb” when it comes to “manly things” and if the window sill falls off expect a man to fix it. But sorry, some of us are bad at such things, too. Fix it yourself, you are a full human being, we trust your abilities!

    But i get your point, there really often is a difference in the train of thought of men and women. But unless i think a woman is really in need of help with the task at hand i won’t fix her problem. That’s also some kind of feminism if you think about it! 🙂

    1. I agree with you that many of us can actually “play dumb” from time to time, I think I might even have done it sometimes. But sometimes I’m not playing, I just am dumb, haha. For example I don’t understand a thing about cars and I was very happy when my car just didn’t start on a parking lot that there were some men who were willing to help. But then again, I asked them straight 🙂 I’m well aware that women can do anything if they just want to. The point wasn’t really in that 😉

      I appriciate that feature in men that they don’t rush in to help. I find it annoying if they try to solve my problems, when I’m actually just trying to clear up my mind by talking about them. That’s again that they don’t get it! That’s the difference in us that I have noticed 🙂

      I think we are different and when we all are human beings as you said, we should try to understand each other’s points of view, right?

      And yes, sometimes men just don’t want to hear it. 😉

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