I have been thinking about being social lately. I mean, in real, made some deep soul-searching about myself and my behaviour and all. I have been thinking if there could be something I could still do differently to be able to have more satisfying relationship with others. I mean, there’s nothing I can do to change others, right? The only thing I can really change is myself and my attitudes. Do you agree?
Ok. Well. My social life is, umm, changeable. There are days when I feel ready and willing to have conversations and to be interested in others right beginning when I get off bed. Then there are the other days. When I just need to cuddle with my blanket and see and hear absolutely nobody else than me. Is that any common in others, or is that just me? I find it confusing to myself, when I can’t really rely on how did I feel in the evening, for the morning could be something very different. Yeah. Changeable. That’s me.
Being social, it’s easy sometimes, and in some other times it’s really hard for me. I like it when it’s easy. Well, doesn’t anybody? The feeling when you’re thinking fast and your words just sparkle with the wit and others are amused by your presence as much as you are by them. That is fun.
When it’s not that easy I feel like I should just fall off the Earth to make others happy. Or that nothing anybody says can really impress or interest me. “Oh, there are new tastes of teas in the social room”, by some work mate was one of these lines that made me just rip my hair off. “Oh really”, I thought. “How interesting. Tell me more.” And she did allthough I didn’t ask. I couldn’t have cared less. Really. If there’s nothing else to discuss over that tea qualities… I admit, that was one of the bad days of mine. On a social one I might actually have been able to feel that enthusiasm myself, who knows.
The worst problem of mine in being social is my reservedness. And my perfectionism. I would like to be perfect, in every way, so I take a loooong time to refine my sentences and words and all, so all I end up with is sitting alone and still refining them after others just babbled about everything and went on. Hmph. Frustrating, really. I know, trust me, I know I can’t be perfect, in anything, really, so I should drop that objective of mine. That’s easier said than done, though.
I just signed in to Interpals -community in my hopes to learning just let go. You know, writing has always been easier to me that actual speaking, so I thought it could be a right place for me to start doing that. I have liked what I have experienced so far. So, I’m on my way becoming all social. Wish me luck!