Getting better

I have spent my evening in my office, at work, having actually nothing much to do but thinking. I ended up thinking about evolving as a human being, as a person. As me. I feel like I’m very much incomplete and sometimes so sore from the inside that all I can do is – I don’t even know. I was going to write cry, but that doesn’t sound correct. Feel depressed?  That’s not it either. Sad, perhaps. Knowing that I have so much to learn, to become real me, to reveal the innermost me. Sad, but that’s not all, also hopeful, sometimes even excited, or determined about it. I will learn. Some day.

Anyways, I was youtubing for spending time and I found some pretty stopping quotes for me.

“Every time you lose, you get better.”

I had to rewind it and listen if I did heard correctly. Then I got tears in my eyes for it meant something to me. It’s about not giving up. A true success is rare. I read this Finnish cartoon strip Viivi & Wagner that tells about the relationship of a woman and a pig; they are a couple in it. Anyways, in that strip Wagner (the pig) went to psychiatrist and said: “I haven’t achieved anything significant in my life.” And the psychiatrist responded: “There are few who has.”

I think that was about the same thing. In a way. Or am I straying again? The point is, a true success is rare and there are only few who have actually achieved something significant in their lives, but that shouldn’t stop us trying, right? And if we lose sometimes, so what? There must be others who has done it, too. And they lived.

I feel like I have had this fear of mistakes for all of my life. I have been very cautious about anything that might actually prove to be a mistake. It means about everything. I have avoided telling anyone what or who I truly appriciate, like and admire, for nobody could take that away from me, or laugh at me. I have ended up some situations in my life just because it felt I should have done it, because I thought that was the thing the others wanted me to do. And when someone criticized my doings I gave up, immediately. Ok, I thought, I tried it and it didn’t work. Sorry I said anything.

Not very wise, or what do you think?

I find it very encouraging that someone can actually have the gut to say that losing makes us better. Because I have never felt it. And still I have. You know, in the inside of me, I have always known that only then I can change, learn, to be better. Success is fun, with no doubt, and I assume there is things to learn from it, too. But the never ending source of knowledge is the difficulties we face. Every day.

“A ‘no’ doesn’t mean ‘never’, it means ‘not yet’.”

I hope we all can keep that in mind. And keep becoming better.

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