It seems like I can’t stop bothering myself with this certain person. His opinions and words make me always react, feel this indignation, and I’m not even sure if it is justified. I get this feeling I need to tell him that he is wrong, that the way I see things are completely different. Or, actually, that was a rather hasty judgement. I mean, I usually can see his point of view as well, and kind of understand it, too. The point is, I do think very differently and somehow I get this feeling his words are meant for me and his opinions meant to constrict mine. Why, oh, why? I know that is not very mature way of thinking, right? Aren’t we supposed to allow everybody think as they do and have the opinions they have?
Well. You know. This is me. I have this innate urge to react to everything. That can be a bit frustrating from time to time. It would be easier for just about everybody around to just let it be. Why do I care?
Yes, that is the question. Why do I care about this persons opinions so much? Isn’t that obvious? I would very much like to make a good impression on him, in other words, I do care about him. In a way. And there is the quirky part, it wouldn’t be me, if there wasn’t, right?
He is a celebrity.
I should be embarrassed now, right? And I am, believe me. But I do get this feeling that there might be some others in this world as well who think exactly the same thoughts. Privately. Anyways, here goes.
The thing I’m thinking at this point is what he told to his fans recently, or actually I have heard that same thing over and over again. It’s that he expresses his hopes for the fans not to send him anything, but to give to charity that money they have used for this sending, and buying gifts and stuff, and all.
I get it. I do. And I appriciate the thought behind it.
But I do see this issue on the other way around, as well. Giving the money to charity would be nice, but the point the fans have when they send everything to him, is something quite different.
They. Want. To. Be. Seen.
How personal it would be to just give money? Or tranfer some digits from one bank account to another? Very personal, indeed. How would he know then it was me who gave the money? Of course, he would know how much he is loved by his fans as a whole, but the one particular fan wouldn’t be any different from another.
I don’t know what it is like to have fan mail. I’m not any celebrity, how could I. But I can assume that piles and piles of letters and packages could get on my nerves if there would be enough of them. And I can assume even further that there might not be a slightest possibility for a celebrity to look through them all. But I feel like that almost non-existent possibility for to be seen, keeps the fans sending stuff.
And the reason I got upset of this was that I consider that unfair somehow. The fans are not sending merely the letters or gifts. They are sending their heart. Their appriciation, admiration, dreams. Giving the money wouldn’t just be the same.
It makes me think, though. Maybe there is a reason for all this. I mean, perhaps the celebrity doesn’t want to have any mail because he don’t even care. He doesn’t give a damn for all that dedication he gets. He has gotten pretty much enough of it. Maybe he has come all famous. You know.
The other option could be that he does care. And he cares also about something else, something bigger, the whole world and the well-being of all creatures. And he hopes that he has this effect on people, that maybe they could take action because of him.
Or maybe both.
What makes me frustrated is the feeling like he is denying the right to dream. On very universal level isn’t dreaming the thing that makes us humans? The ability to see better world and then act to achieve it? Of course, there are several types of dreams, I agree. The realistic and the unrealistic ones. The ones that makes the whole world a better place for all of us, and the ones that cares nothing about anybody else.
I need to tell you this, allthough it might seem (once again) that I’m straying. There have been times when I systematically have shot my dreams down. I don’t know why, maybe I had this feeling that there is no use in trying when everything is going to fail anyways. So I felt like it’s safer to not dream anything. And how did that make me feel in the end? Sad, miserable, like I was living my life without any purpose, like my life didn’t exist at all. Everything was just the same, day after day and never was going to change.
That was not a good feeling. I know now that we all do need dreams. We need to be told that it is our priviledge. What kind of place this world would be if nobody had ever dreamed anything? Being able to dream is something that is a very profound level in all of us. What would I be without my dreams?
I mean, there could be that even this celebrity of mine is dreaming about something greater and almost un-achievable thing as well. I would be even ready to make a bet for it. And if someone told him that is not going to happen, he is not even allowed to have that dream and he should just drop it off – would he be happy about it?
Ok, well, maybe he is right telling his fans this. There is no point in continuing to grow some immeasurable dreams that has to die anyways. It is not nice to hear, but later on they will thank him. Right?
Am I going to?
Perhaps not. But I’m not listening to him anyways.
On this subject I’m going to keep my stand. I have the right to dream. As does anybody.
Just try to stop me.