The muses

Um. What am I going to write this time? Nothing much, that’s about it. I haven’t been having amazing realizations about life lately. That’s my life. It goes in circles, kind of. Sometimes I’m bursting with energy and ideas. Sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I just want to lay in bed alone and pretend to be thinking, when actually I’m not. Sometimes all I need is… everything! New people, new thoughts, new anything, places, beliefs, things to do… Is that what everybody is? Or is it just me being all Gemini? I don’t know. (astrology is one of my interests, maybe I’ll continue with that later, but I think it will not suit in the category nothing much…)

What I have been thinking is writing, again. Muses. You know, I have been suspicious for muses before. I thought they were just stories from the ancient history. Well, I have been forced to change my opinion on that. I mean, I have always used music as a source of inspiration. While writing my dark, gloomy, crime-thing I listened Linkin Park all the time. And even now, when I hear it, it brings me back to that feeling that I had when I wrote, the ideas, the thoughts shuffling around me again. That’s funny. And actually, what made me to do this realization was Stephanie Meyer thanking her muse, Muse. Haha.

After that I started to think the muse thing all differently, somehow. Particularly when Edward Cullen started to act like one. You know, whirling around, popping up, bringing the feeling, the urge to write, with him. Metaphorically speaking, of course. He made me begin the whole new saga. Haha. How so oversized plans? But then, without a warning, he left me, standing alone in the darkness, not knowing where to go. I was devastated. I felt like there is no way keep on writing. I even thought to end the whole story there. It could have been an option, it would have been even a decent ending, but instead I struggled myself through the darkness. The saga, remember?

I’m glad I didn’t give up that easily, for after the darkness there appeared a new muse for me. One I made up for myself. One of the characters of the story, Andreas. He was a good one. Even better than Edward. The story took off, I was genuinely flying myself. He shaped the story anew, pointed a new direction for me to go. The urge to write was there again. It is a good feeling, I love it! Sometimes it felt like I may not be able to handle the whole thing that was coming through my, um, fingers (typing, you see). The perspective expanded, a lot. He kept me going, though. Untill he left me, as well. Damn. What’s wrong with my muses? Leaving me with unresolved questions? Or is it me, not being willing to make the decisions, the hard ones? I don’t know, really.

But I’m happy to announce that a new muse has arrived lately. I’m back on the track. The payoff time has come. There is only couple of things to resolve, but they are the major ones. And I’ve got this feeling that I may not have seen it all through yet, there might be some surprises for me still to come. With Damon Salvatore you must expect the unexpected, right?


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