Gosh. Sometimes it’s just hard to get something on the paper. Or on the screen. Do you know what I’m talking about? It’s not just that writing would be uninspiring or that I would have doubts in my skills. It’s more like the difficulty in beginnig. Usually I don’t have that kind of problem either. I’m pretty good in starting things, but to keep them going or reaching the end. I have noticed that the greatest problems arise when I’m somehow blocking the flow myself. The flow of creativity. The other case might be me trying to interfere too much in the strory. I do not command the words, but they do command me. When they tell me to do, I will obey. Usually. And the hard times begin when I don’t.
Let me explain. Usually I trust my intuition to carry me or my story through. I don’t plan ahead what will be happening on the page 89 before starting. Some might call it stupidity, I call it intuition. To me writing is an adventure itself. I’m kind of reading the story when writing, I don’t usually know anything more that anybody reading would know. It might sound crazy, but it works. It really does. I have always found the ways out of the dead ends.
Sometimies it harder, though. It’s when I start thinking instead of feeling. When I start to think I will think about the others, and what would they think, what would they want to happen, what should happen if the story was a great one. Or then I’m starting to try to figure out what will happen next. That doesn’t work. Not at all. I get the feeling that I have just no idea about my whole story and I just can’t make it. There will be no solution of the knots I’ve made in my foolishness. And so I can’t get it going. Too much thinking will destroy the creativity.
Stephen King has said that when the writing is really good, he can see through the paper. That is absolutely true. When I trust my intuition, I let it to guide my steps, show me a great movie in my head or behind the paper. The only thing left me to do is to put it down. In a way I could call myself a documentarist.
The problems will occure also when I don’t want the story take the direction it wants to take. When I decide that my new ideas are too strange, too difficult me to handle or too dangerous, too alive, too strong. I try to calm the story down, I try to make it to take more conventional path, stay on the safe ground. But the story knows what it wants and the really good ones don’t follow the marked paths. They want to break free, they want me to be shocked, amazed, overwhelmed by their power. And sometimes I am.
Today I was a moment afraid to put the words down that the story wanted me to. I put them anyway. I have learned my lesson. Only the safe steps will fail. The unintended, unconventional, surprising ones will stand and more. They will make me fly. And hopefully someone else, too.
What do I do then, when the block strikes back? I need to forget what I was thinking when I made that block for me. I need to start all over again. Let the words come. Sometimes they are very cautious, they don’t want to be catched. Sometimes they just want me to do some extra work with them, they might be playing with me. Sometimes they give me a clue that feels good and when proceeding it reveals to be wrong. (In that case they will give me a new one, if I dare to listen.) Sometimes they give me a clue that feels scary, wrong, odd, bizarre, anything but fitting in the context. However, if I do proceed with it, it will, with no doubt, be the most brilliant idea ever. On the other hand, if I don’t… well. There it is. The wall blocking my way, my storys way to move on.
Sometimes the words need to be distracted. If I’m having difficulties, I could try to write something completely different, or jump ahead or backwards in time of the story. I could let myself think that I can always delete the wrong clues I’m getting, but in the end I never will. Sometimes all the wall needs is one word. One word that is different than I planned. Or on other case another way around: one word that needs to be removed because it would have made the story to turn in the fields when aiming to mountains.
So, what can I say. I just need to have faith. It all will fall into its place. Eventually.