My 10 of things: Songs

Since I’m now trying to get back to blogging, I decided to take this “My 10 of things” –thing back in action, as well. Because music is a huge part of my life, I decided to start with something really nice. These next songs have affected me deeply in some way, and they will always be as a part of me.

Is there songs that have made the same thing to you? Feel free to share!


1) Gavin DeGraw – Free

If anyone of you dear readers know me at all, you did know that this particular singer was going to pop up sooner or later. If you don’t know him, do me a favor and go check him out! His voice and lyrics and performance has deeply changed me and he is the healer of my soul, love of my (musical) life and many other things to me. But, let’s just leave all that aside for now.

At first I thought I should pick another song of his (I don’t want to be, that is. More of the reasons for that being such an obvious choice can be read HERE), but then I decided to go with this one. This is like the anthem of my life, of me. Listening this song made me realize that it’s okay to be both. The feather and the stone. It gave me permission to be free. I can be whoever I am, and it is okay. Freedom is my thing. I need it, I live for it. And although being free can mean being alone from time to time, it still is my thing. I have the word ‘free’ tattooed on my wrist with a tiny flying bird beside it. It reminds me of this song and this thought behind it.


2) Redrama – Now

This song was for some time my absolute favorite song of all. It made me feel so good every time I heard it. And I used to ask the DJ to play this song whenever I was in the local nightclub, as the matter of fact I did it so much, that the DJ learned to know me and all he needed to do was see me, and he asked “should I play some Redrama for you?”. What a sweet guy, and how sweet memories.

But, I think in this song there is some thought in it, as well. Because, you know, there actually is nothing else in this world than the “now”-moment. We should capture it more, carpe diem, you know. We should concentrate on the things that are now, that are happening now, that we have now, than the things we once had or will hopefully have one day. Because you know what? We can’t live anywhere else than in that now-moment. We can’t change the past, nor see the future. All we have is this moment, now. For some reason this song manages to comfort me, every time.

“Of my future I don’t know much, but I know I’m here right now.”


3) Infected Mushroom – Vicious Delicious

Dang. This genre is way different from what I used to listen to before. But I’m really happy that I found this band, and this genre, I’m completely in love. I love how the sounds take me away from this world, how interesting and exciting everything sounds like. The anticipation. Oh, the sweet anticipation before the fulfillment, right? I get goosebumps &  eargasms every time I listen to this song. I mean, just listen. If I need some time off my life, I’ll put Infected Mushroom on, especially this song, and boom, satisfaction is guaranteed.


4) Poets of the Fall – War

This one was a hard one to choose just one song. Their lyrics are ingenious. I love this band to bits. And the voice of the singer, gosh, can someone have that kind of voice, for real?

They have such heart breakingly beautiful ballads, and then they have these fully rocking on songs – and boy, have you seen them live? Ah-mazing.

Finally I chose this song, because it makes me want to believe that something like this could happen in my life, as well. Sometimes I feel like I’m all alone in the frontline. But maybe, just maybe…


5) RockingDyde! – Mä en haluu

Well. What can I say. I like this one.  It’s about a break up and  getting over it, and hoping that the other one will be fine. That’s actually quite fitting in this situation. “I have a life and I’m grateful of it”, the song goes. It makes me agree with it every time. Even though this life isn’t always the way we would want it to be, I have a life, and having it is good, no matter what. This song brings up so many memories, so many feelings. It’s impossible to explain. And even if I shouldn’t listen to this, I still do, because you know what? Memories aren’t that bad to have.


6) Darren Hayes – Taken by the sea

Oh yes. I love his voice, I love his lyrics. I love. I loved him back in Savage Garden days, too, and sometimes I just need to put his voice on and let it carry me to another place. Sometimes I feel like he was singing out my deepest feelings, thoughts, hopes and fears. Who wouldn’t love that?

“Because I am an island and you are the ocean, and all of my sadness taken by the sea.”


7) Neon 2 – Kaikki likoon

This one was a hard choice. Because this band was my first ever love in my early teens. I was madly in love with the guitarist, and I got several and several autographs and they even replied one of my letters I sent them. So, what’s there not to love? This music takes me back in time, brings back all the memories and makes me feel like I was young and still able and willing to love. This song may not be the most popular one, or giving even the slightest clue what these guys were doing back then, but I have always loved this one. It’s about not giving up and giving everything you got instead.

**UPDATE**
This particular song can not be found from YouTube. I didn’t chek it before choosing one. My apologies. But, instead of the song mentioned above; I give you this, a popular one from the same band. It isn’t at all similar to the one I tried to show you, but I loved it, too back then, so I guess that is a reason enough. And – because I like semolina porrige and strawberries!


8) Nordman – Vandraren

Old one, true, but soo good. I love his voice, the rasp in it, so much. I love the melodies that makes me feel I’m in the medieval times. I love the lyrics that makes me think about things I may haven’t thought before. And, who knows, I have been a wanderer too, in this life. Maybe I will find my place, someday, and if not, then I’ll just keep going. And, it’s Swedish, if you wondered.


9) DJ Bobo – Everybody

This was a difficult decision, as well. I mostly love everything DJ Bobo has done, and I have loved it since 90’s. For some reason his music makes me feel good. I also love his lyrics, for they seem to me to bring up equality and love and humans living in peace. What would there be to not like?

This particular song on the other hand was the very first I ever heard from him and I immediately fell in love with it. It was used as an inspiration to my stories already back in that time, and it was playing in the background when I was writing so many times I have lost count. Actually, I had my mom make me a sweater saying “Music is what I’m living for”, and it was my dearest sweater for the longest time. I guess I knew already what’s up.

Music still is what I’m living for. What makes life meaningful. What gives hope and strength. What calms me down when I’m nervous, what lifts my spirit when feeling down. I couldn’t imagine living a day without music.


10) Zack Hemsey – The Runner

Okay, if the last one was an old love, this one is the newest!

I had never heard of this guy before, but then a friend showed me this song, and I fell for it immediately. I like the sound surroundings in it. It’s so different what you would expect. It gives me a feeling like anything can be. I also like the lyrics, Mr. Hemsey has made me stop when I was walking and think: whoah, that’s so true! And if you know me even a little bit, I love new things, new thoughts, new perspectives. And this, this gives me all of that.


 

As it might have been pointed out already, these decisions weren’t that easy, and you have no idea how many I had to leave out just to stay in this chosen number of 10. Maybe there will be part 2 some day!

Anyways, these are some of my songs. What are yours?

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True or false: If you find someone else to love, it doesn’t matter anymore

This was said to me by a friend when I was complaining about my experiences with love. The reason I brought this up today is that he gave me the one and only answer that actually made me feel better. Now let’s see if that really is true, or is it just a comforting saying that has no truth behind it.


First of all. Love is amazing. It is the best thing there is, maybe the reason for all the existence. Being in love is something similar as floating a couple of meters above the ground. But you must know this, don’t you? The feeling when you love someone, and that someone loves you back. Is there something that could possibly be better than that?

What causes us to love, that’s a different story completely, and I have found no reason for it in my life. Sometimes love jumps out of nowhere and takes you by surprise; sometimes it grows within you so slowly that you hardly realize what happened. But the effect on it is the same, nonetheless. We feel amazing when in love.

Taking this all into account, is it so big surprise that we feel so miserable if this love doesn’t last? When the fall from the heights of love to the very bottom of emptiness and loneliness is so huge? Of course it hurts, why wouldn’t it. The hopes and dreams you had suddenly mean nothing anymore. The special someone you love so much, doesn’t feel the same anymore.

Falling out of love may happen in the same way as the falling in love, too. Quickly, out of the blue; or then quietly withering away until there’s none left.

I have had those both.

And because I have no other research material than myself, I’m going to use my personal experiences for the analysis. Again.


I have fallen in love in the very first sight, when I knew this other person on the other side of the room was someone different from all the others. And he was.

I have grown in love, so to speak, so slowly I really did not know anything about it until something made me realize that I wouldn’t ever dare to lose this special person from my life.

I have also grown out of love, because of misunderstandings, miscommunication or lack of any communication at all, nagging, ironical comments, disrespect and being taken granted. It took a whole lot time to actually realize, that I do not love this person anymore, and I’m not willing to keep feeling this way anymore.

I’m growing out of love at the moment as we speak. Though the (first) break-up happened like a lightning. Day before everything was good, we both were very much in love, in the next day he told me he had found someone better and wanted to leave me.

So, I’m basing my knowledge on these experiences.


But how about this saying mentioned above. If you find someone else to love, it doesn’t matter anymore. How does that fit in this?

Well, most certainly it will matter, right? If you loved someone, you shared amazing moments with them, and you can never get rid of that. The point is, you even shouldn’t. The memories are always with us and they make us what we are, who we are, and we should be happy about every single one of them. Not all of them are happy ones, I know. But they are still your life. And you know what? You survived.

You survived. I’m starting to believe I did, too.

Because it has been a rough road for me. I have been heart broken, and everything my friends said to me, made me hurt even more. “It’s okay. It’ll get better”, they said. “You will find your Prince Charming one day, just you wait.” And when they did not had the strength to listen to me arguing about this, they started to tell me I was seriously and worryingly stuck in the past and I should stop thinking about him and just get over it.

That, my dear readers, was exactly the thing I did NOT want to hear. I was hurting, and I did not believe there would ever be anyone who would make me feel the same as he did. And in the matter of fact, I still don’t, because we are all different individuals. You can’t have the same flame with someone else. I also did not want to hear that I should stop missing him, because I couldn’t. You can’t teach your heart how to feel.

They tried to make me feel better with just saying I would feel better in the future. But that doesn’t work that way. You can’t convince me about something that has not yet happened, you can’t force me to be happy if I’m hurting.

Then there was this another friend who said these magical words that made me immediately feel so much better, it was amazing.

If you find someone else to love, it doesn’t matter anymore.

First of all, the “if”. Thank you for it, so much! It may not seem to make any sense whatsoever, but it was the first thing that made me drop off my walls. He did not say “when”, that would had made me go crazily angry on him, too. He said “if”. Because, life happens. You don’t know what will be. It will be what will be, right? There might be Mr. Right waiting around the corner with his white Audi and a giant bush of red roses, or then there might never be anyone as special as my latest love was. Who could tell?

And, the end of it. “It doesn’t matter anymore.” Thank you, again! For me it meant that even if there never would be anyone similar to my latest love, it wouldn’t matter anymore. That is the thing that doesn’t matter.

This friend gave me the permission to be sad, to be hurt, to miss him – and I know I will always miss him, but that doesn’t matter anymore. This permission, this freedom was the relief I needed, that actually helped me a lot to get over the consuming hurt of heart brokenness.

If you are missing someone right now, I want to tell you this: you have every right to feel as you do. It means that this person meant something for you, and was an important part of your life. Be sad, cry, be hurt. It’s okay. But if you find someone else to love, it doesn’t matter anymore.

There will never be someone similar. There will never be that same love, that same sparkle, that same feeling with anyone else. As I said, we are individuals, we are different. If I, or you, ever fall in love again, it will be different, because he (or she) will be different. But nonetheless, it will be amazing, and good, and we will be floating a couple of meters above the ground, and none of this will matter anymore.

So. True. Absolutely, 100 % true.

The world is real!

Have you ever found yourself wondering about a very simplest thing without any reason at all?

Like the fact that the world actually is real?


Let me explain just a little bit further before you call me crazy, okay?

Of course the world is real. I can see it with my eyes and I live in it, right? I can touch it and smell it and taste it if I like. But how about different countries, then? I can’t see them, I can’t touch them, I don’t even live in them, but they’re still there. It’s still different, it’s just a place on a map, or a word in a book.

I don’t usually ponder about these kinds of things on daily basis, don’t worry. The thing that made me chuckle all by myself one day was the sudden amazement I felt when chatting with a friend from abroad. He sent some pictures from his country and suddenly I was all like: “Whoah! The world is real!”

This another country is as real as mine. There are people walking on the street at this very moment, there are buildings, there are cars, there are animals and trees and – yeah, other people. They live there! They think that their lives are the most important thing there is, just as I think of mine. And – I didn’t even know they existed! And more importantly, perhaps, any of them doesn’t even know I do. There are more important things in this life than my country only, my life only, me only.

It was a moment of a deep realization, though I may not be able to describe it perfectly.

It’s easy to keep thinking about other countries like they are just a story, you know. Never really caring much about them, never thinking what kind of situations the people that lives there will encounter, how is their everyday life. Okay, yeah, so there’s corruption, there are tornados, there are robberies, and violence and all that we can see from tv and the news. Turn the page, turn the tv off and never think of it again. Stories. Just stories.

It’s easier for us, I think, to turn that “human switch” off, or that switch of reality off. I don’t need to care when they don’t exist in real, right?

But things change when you get to personally know just one person from another country. Then it suddenly becomes real. It flares to your eyes and forces you to see it.

It’s real.

And I don’t mean just these negative things I just mentioned, but also the beautiful things, the everyday things. Everything. Their culture, their language, their habits, books, jokes. Their history, their way of seeing things. How different life can be. But it still is life. It is the thing they know best, their lives, their experiences. They may know nothing about the things that are clear as the day to me, and I certainly don’t know those things about them.

I have always thought that I was rather open minded person, but with these kinds of realizations I come to see that actually, I have been looking everything through my eyes only. And there is so much more to be seen in this world, so many reasons, so many thoughts, so many experiences! And they all think that they are the center of the world – in a way. We all do, right? We couldn’t think otherwise, because the world is around us. But the thing is – we can’t see it all. And that is the reason we need other people in our lives. To expand our minds, to let us see things differently, to learn, to see, to feel.

Isn’t that the main reason we’re here anyways?

Back

Sometimes life takes us into places we never thought we would go. And sometimes it brings us back.


There has been some drastic changes in my personal life, and it has drawn me away from writing. That is something I deeply regret. I miss words, I miss the feeling that I have with them, how even the life itself is different when writing. Do you know what I’m talking about?

Lately I have been slowly getting back to writing. And thanks to that goes to my new friends, who have encouraged me to get back to it. The other one, E, asked me simply “why not?” when I was talking about writing. That was the start. I started to think that, yeah, why not, indeed. It’s time to get back. What’s stopping me?

I told E that it was the best advice I have had about writing, like ever. And it feels like it. He was also the reason that I wiped the dust off my old book project, and took all the material I have to the daylight again. I was mesmerized about the pages I had written already. All the background work I had done. All the little details were there, already. I found myself sitting in the middle of the floor of my apartment, surrounded by papers, notebooks, folders and organizers – full of material for that particular book. Why did I ever stop writing it?

I have no idea. I read something I had written, and some of it made me grin my teeth with embarrassment, but some of it was actually pretty good. I tried to write a couple of pages and it felt amazingly good. It was a familiar place to be. All the characters were known to me, they were there, waiting for me to get back to work.

This other friend, R, reminded me about this blog.

Yes, I know. How could I forget? But I did. He made me come back here and read some articles I had done before, and I was surprised. Did I actually write all that? And the same question as above: why did I ever stop? And is it possible to still get back to it? Would I have anything interesting to say anymore? Did I ever?

This blog has been rather a messy place. All kinds of things piled up on each other. I tried to justify it with my personal character, that I’m messy too, and this is just the way I am. And, in a way, true, but shouldn’t I even try to make it more clear? I think I didn’t have enough time or put enough effort for it. I’m not sure if that’s ever going to be a reasonable scenario, but all I know is that I want to be back.

I want to write. That’s who I am.

I watch YouTube a lot. I have there some favorite youtubers, and one channel I love to bits is Draw with Jazza. He is such a talented artist and makes everything entertaining and happy – and gives some deep realizations in the meanwhile. At least I have had some when watching him draw. He was the one who made me realize that I need to write to survive, in the first place. He told in one of his videos that he needs to be creative every day, to be able to function at all. This was the turning point, I think. I realized that wow, I might be the same. I need writing, I need that outlet of creativity of some sort.

To be able to function at all.

I have been going through a rough place and it has felt I have nothing left in my life. I was trying to be someone I wasn’t, just to please certain people, and apparently it meant also giving up writing. When they obviously buggered off, for I wasn’t who I was supposed to be, I was left with nothing.  I wasn’t able to do anything more than the mere necessities, there was no light, no fire, no passion in my life. I haven’t been functioning, living my life.

But you know what? As soon as I took my pen and notebook and started scribbling, at least something, things have started to change. Not much, but I can feel the difference! I can feel the old me awakening, the real me. The writer.

I’m happier of these people in my life than I can express. I may not have been able to realize this all by myself, even though it might seem the simplest thing there is.

If you love to write, you write.

If you need to be creative, be creative.

If you try to please others and deny your deepest self in the process – don’t.

You are the most important person in your life, you should do things that make you happy.

And it’s never too late to get back to something you used to love. Go for it! I believe in you.

**

Special thanks for the friends and Jazza for showing me the way back. I love you guys.

Differency is scary

This thought came to me when I read a blog post about being insulted or avoided when being different from others. The writer was wondering why is it that people can’t just accept the fact that people are different and so be it. Why it is so difficult to cope with.

We all tend to think ourselves rather accepting and tolerant persons, at least I wouldn’t like to think myself as a narrow minded redneck in any case. But the truth is quite something else.

I think that the fear for the unknown is somehow inherent in all of us. We have used to see the world from our own point of view only, and for some reason we also tend to think that it is the only way to see it. If something is dfferent from me, there is always a possibility that it could be something dangerous. I see this feature as a some kind of a primal instinct from some ancient times when the most important thing for our survival was the ability to discern the possible threats.

We are sheep. Really.

Have you ever observed yourself in different situations? I have. It’s kind of fun sometimes.

One thing I have noticed about myself is that when there are other people around, I tend to let them to do the decisions. When I’m alone, I have no problem to make them myself. I can give you an example from a documentary I saw some years ago and also one from my own life later on.

In this documentary was made a fake emergency situation. People were sitting in a waiting room when some smoke started to come under one door. There was a huge red alarm button clearly visible on the wall. Now, how would you have reacted? Pressed the button, right?

The results of this experiment was that if the person was sitting there all alone (s)he had absolutely no trouble of immediately pressing the button and perhaps going to the door and trying to help anyone who was supposed to be inside. But things started to go really interesting when there were several people in the same room.

When the smoke started to come uncer the door nobody did absolutely nothing. They peeked the other persons in the room, and when they saw that nobody was worrying, they didn’t worry either. So, the smoke kept coming under the door and everybody was sitting quietly and peacefully doing nothing.

My own example is a bit similar, but from quite a different situation. Stopping the bus when standing on the bus stop. When I’m alone waiting my bus, I have no hesitations to raise my hand to stop the right bus. But – now watch me – if there are others… I keep waiting till the very last moment to see if there is someone else who will raise his/her hand to stop my bus before I do it myself. This could be also laziness, right?

What has this to do with differency?

Well, when avoiding to be different you tend to become similar with others. Similarity is acceptable, right? Do you remember those messy teenager years, when the whole meaning of existense was to fit in, belong into your group of friends? But then again, there has always been those persons who have made this being different as some kind of an art.

What makes some people being succesful when being different, and others avoided and neglected?

This is a question I would gladly have an answer, but I really don’t. I would like to believe that being yourself is enough. That when you are comfortable in your own skin, others would accept you as you are.

The truth is, everybody is different. You are different from me, I’m different from my neighbour, my colleagues, my bosses, my friends, my family. Nobody sees this world and it’s opporturnities and challenges quite the way I do. And I think that is good.

You hear me? That is good.

But it seems that we still are afraid at first being different from others ourselves (thinking too much about what others will think if I do this or that, at least we in Finland are pretty good at that), and secondly we are afraid of others who are different from us.

This person I mentioned in the beginning told me that people are not willing to get to know him first before making hasty judgements and opinions on him, and I find this very sad, because he is very charming and friendly and funny – as I think we all are if we can be ourselves, who we are meant to be.

 

So, even if you’re or someone else is different, it’s all good. And even though differency might be scary, we are braver, aren’t we?

 

Fooled by heart

They say that love is blind. You must have heard that one before, right? But have you seen it happen in your own life? Have you felt it? Have you been fooled by your heart even though your mind knew better?

Oh, I have.

The most frustrating feeling ever must be the thing when your mind and heart are completely and wholeheartedly disagreeing with each other. When you know in your mind why something can never be, and you can mention several reasons (pretty damn good reasons) for why it can never be, but your heart wants what it wants.

I have always considered myself more as a person who tends to think and (over)analyze everything, than to let feelings decide. I may have huge feelings inside, but I never let them guide me, never show me the impossible, because, you know, impossible is impossible, end of the conversation. I analyze my feelings so thoroughly that they lost their power.

You can call it sad, if you want. It might be. I dream about being led by my passion, but it seems I don’t have that great feelings anyhow.

One reason for my constant hesitation with my feelings is that my heart is a fool. She doesn’t know what is good for her. She has been misled countless of times, and she still wants to believe. She is unbelievable. Frustratingly foolish.

Even when some people are proved to be dishonest, crooked and sarcastically emotionless, my heart wants to see only the good in them. She gives explanations, excuses for their inconsiderate behavior, and she forgives. Constantly. All the time. All the freaking time.

The problem arises when they can’t be forgiven. Okay. You tell me now that we should forgive everything, and be a good person, right? But let’s be honest. Not everything can be forgiven. Or maybe they can be forgiven, but never forgotten. But my heart here, she wants to forget. Every detail, every heart breaking moment of pain and loneliness and disappointment. All she wants is to forget and give them another chance.

But my mind, she tells me that it can’t happen. That once fooled, I can’t trust anymore. That I should keep my eyes open, and be wary. Shut the door of my heart that my heart wants to keep wide open for anyone to step in and make oneself feel like at home. Shut the damn door and let nobody in. It’s wiser to be alone, then nobody can come and hurt me anymore.

So, what to do when they both fight for their right to decide what to do with the door?

What to do when the people don’t change? Where is the line to stop?

Oh, yeah, I told you I tend to listen to my mind on this. I’ve used to. Since lately, when my heart has found a new weakness and given the phrase ‘love is blind’ a whole new perspective and meaning. I see, but I don’t want to. I get hurt, but I want to forget. I get fooled, but I let it happen. I feel stupid for believing, and I feel stupid for not doing so, but I want to keep going on. I know it will end eventually, rather sooner than later, but I decide not to think about it. I want to ‘live in the moment’, you know. The biggest lie of all. Nothing good has ever come of my hearts decisions. Why is she so dumb that she can’t just stop doing them, once and for all?

Anyways. A long story about nothing really. My heart is a fool, and I’m constantly being fooled by it. My mind is going crazy over my inability of staying calm and cool around certain people. It is not just that love happens to be blind, it is blind because I deliberately choose blindness over clear vision and judgement.

What is wrong with me?

Shards of the feeling

 

I like to cry.

I can admit that much. Somedays I just need to cry, that’s all I want to do. And how sweet and hurtful it feels. It’s something that first brings me down, and after the misery there is more hope. After the tears I feel much better, like been born anew. The situation may not have changed a bit, but I have received a whole lot more strength and capability of coping with it. It’s like magic, really. That is the main reason why I don’t think that someone who cries is weak in any way.

As a mother of two I also need to cope not only with my own tears but also with my kids’ tears. And you know, kids don’t hold it back, at all. My kids, at least the smaller one, cries every day. It’s all natural to her. When she falls down and hurts herself, she cries. When I tell her she can’t do something she desperately wants, she cries. When she gets scared or lonely, she cries. When the bigger one teases her or she feels her rights has been violated in anyway, she cries. When she gets tired, she cries.

It may sound like she wouldn’t do anything else but cry, but that’s quite the opposite, really. I have never seen more bright, happy and trusting girl as her. She is adorable, deeply caring, very cute (and she knows it) and always ready for new adventures, and she never complains.

And I have tried my best to keep telling her it’s okay to cry.

It’s so natural to kids to cry that I’m almost envious to them. Why is it that it changes when we are adults?

The reasons my daughter keeps crying can be easily be understood. Aren’t those the reasons we adults cry as well? The things may be a bit different, but the reasons for the tears are the same. Loneliness, being scared, being physically or mentally hurt, not getting what we want the most, when our dreams shatter around us, losing something dear and then missing it. And sometimes we are able to cry because of empathy, when these same things happen to others, the ones we love.

These things are the same when crying as a child or as an adult. But something still changes: our own attitude towards crying.

As an adult we try our very best not to cry. We think it is somehow a sign of weakness, or vulnerability, and if this world teaches us something it is that we can’t be weak if we want to be successful. The whole world is ruled by the strong and loud ones, and when we sometimes need to break away from that all and be quiet and cry, we feel that we have not been successful, that we have been failures somehow.

Just admit it. Crying in public is embarrassing.

For me it is, at least. After all I just wrote, I still feel deeply embarrassed if I can’t hold it back. As I said, I do like to cry, but I usually want to do it in my own private time, when nobody can judge me being naïve, or childish, or weak, or just stupid when crying over something that isn’t that important.

But why do I let the judgement of others effect on my own personal experience of things? If I cry for something, that something is important to me in some way. I wouldn’t cry because of something I care nothing about, would I? Others can’t understand why something is important to me if it means nothing to them, but I’m pretty sure that when they do cry they are really doing it for some reason.

We all have our reasons. They might not be the same ones, and they will not be the same ones. We are different, we like different things, we care about different things, we are scared of different things, we long for different things. But the thing that is similar to all of as is the reason behind the tears.

I’d like to think that tears are a sign of a feeling so huge that it can’t just fit in, and it must turn into tears and fall off.

 

The reason I’m thinking of tears so much today is a friend of mine who feels that crying in public has somehow ruined his reputation as a decent human being once and for all.

Okay, well. There is yet another thing with tears. Men don’t cry, right?

When people tell me this I’m ready to jump on the wall. I mean, seriously? Why it is considered so ‘manly’ not to cry and always stay on top of everything, being cool and steady? Do you guys really think that men don’t have feelings?

 

Well, yeah. I’m embarrassed, but I have cried in public several times. Because of heartbreak, because of joy, because of beautiful song on the radio. And in public in this case I don’t mean those times when there was only a few friends seeing me, but rather the whole city, the whole bus, the whole street full of people. But sometimes it is just impossible to hide the tears, sometimes the feeling explodes in me and the only thing I can do is let the shards flow out through my eyes.

Have this made me somehow worse? Have I ruined my reputation?

 

Let me put it this way. I don’t care. It’s my life. It’s my pain, my joy, my feelings. And nobody else has no right to say anything about it if they’re not going through the same thing, if they’re not feeling the same. And even if they were – the tears are mine.

 

The way others see it, or how they feel about it, or what is their attitude towards it.. that is not my concern. Really. If someone makes fun of you when you’re crying, that is just a sign of immaturity, stupidity and inconsideration. They are not making fun of the one that is crying, but of themselves. That is my opinion on this. People who care, will understand.

 

The ones who matter don’t mind, and those who mind, don’t matter.

 

And tears are just water. They can’t change you as a person to worse. The only thing they do to you is give you strength and relief from your situation, what ever it might be.

In the end that is the thing they do.